Tips for Parenting An Athlete:
Reacting To The Amount Of Playing Time
“It's not fair. My son/daughter has to practice like everyone else so they should get just as much chance to play.”
As long as parents have athletes competing, playing time will always be an issue. What follows are my suggestions on how to handle this frustrating situation based on my experience as a parent and a coach.
Tip: Keep the Athlete Out Of The Middle
When a parent asks, “Why doesn’t your coach play you more?”, the athlete is immediately placed in the middle. They want to make their parents happy but THEY feel they can’t go to the coach and ask for more playing time. The coach may have a rule about complaining or the athlete may feel they just aren’t good enough to deserve more time. This causes considerable stress on the player and has been known to negatively affect their lives in several ways. At times it puts a strain on the parent / child relationship and, as a coach, I’ve also seen performances deteriorate both on the court and in the classroom.
Generally speaking, playing time should be left for coaches to decide because their decisions are based on judging performance during practice. However, in successful programs, game participation is determined by the level of competition. For instance, at sixth grade level, game time is equally divided; whereas, the closer athletes get to varsity level, a smaller number will receive playing time. It takes on a funnel affect.
Tip: Change Policy vs Attack The Coach
When playing time at the lower levels is an issue, the best way to channel your frustration is to try to change the policy within the organization. By doing this, your efforts will affect ALL athletes whereas if you challenge the coach directly, it only affects your child. Find out who is overseeing the league or organization and politely voice your opinion. Inform the coach of your concern as well. If he or she agrees with you, they can make changes immediately whereas policy changes take more time to implement.
Tip: Encouragement and Perspective Needed At Upper Levels
Playing time at upper levels is best handled by encouraging the athlete and keeping it in perspective. When your child gets older, they will always remember how Mom and Dad “were there for them” during a difficult time in their life.
I recall how stressful this issue was on my wife and I when one of our sons was in college. It was during this time he taught us a valuable lesson that we will never forget. Whereas we wanted him to talk to the coach, he responded with, “Dad, I’m not going to close a door. Some day I may need Coach to help me.”
Well that day came and that same coach – the one who treated him so unfair in our eyes - gave our son a glowing recommendation that was instrumental in his being chosen for a very good job – a teacher and coach. Yes, sometimes our children see the whole picture better than we parents.
At least once a month, shooting specialist Jay Wolf will be submitting more tips on parenting - his first series - as well as tips on how to improve your shooting skills. For more information on his products, go to www,starshooter.net